I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
