just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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