I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
