Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize