Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
