i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
