I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
