We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
