Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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