O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
