I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
