i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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