Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize