I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
