I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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