can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize