Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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