Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
