Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
