I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
