I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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