win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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