he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
