I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
