Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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