Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
