If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
