You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
