When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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