oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
