So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
