we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
