i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
