the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
