just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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