i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize