when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
