He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Still dying that you shit outside
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I could fuck to npr.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
