So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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