at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
