You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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