I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
