sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
