I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
