Got a toothbrush?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
