You're so nebulous sometimes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
nutella sex= disaster
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
