So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
