She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
