the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
