I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
