I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize