hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
