she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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