There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
