we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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