Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
