Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
