we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
