Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
