whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
