dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize