thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
