fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
