I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize