I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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