I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize