The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize