im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
