Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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