Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize