sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
