guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
